Awkward.

Something I learned in school is copying and thinking why I am here in school with so many fucking annoying people notably hateful teachers but only little I really fond of. Everyday I imagined of beating the hell out of teachers, they just kept on talking rubbish, they don't know how to teach and also think they are very smart. In my conclusion, they just suck for so many colossal reasons. I just personally think that public school is not meant for our generation anymore, we can't learn anything except for being demotivated and being felt not good enough. Why? Well, because teachers only paid attention to excellent students not to students that are weak and  awkward. For the past two years, I become a really awkward person, that is why I loathed myself and I am a very pathetic person at the same time always constantly trying to think positive but making me hurt more for digging my true emotions deep down inside and nobody truly knows. I had love so many people during my childhood years but as a fucking teenager I lost them due to my awkwardness and unexplainable cause.. I just find it really hard to talk now, its like my mouth is sewed with thousands of thread and my brain wouldn't want to response,  listening and smiling was my only way to communicate.. This is what lead to so many people hating me.. Thats actually what I think personally, they maybe wouldn't even care to look or care about me, invisible entity roaming around would perfectly describe me. People are so insensitive and hateful at school, they say anything they want and its good not bad at all.. Everyone has their opinions and opinions are pain in the ass, but each and everyone of them are different, some are kisses on the ass <(HAHA) we can choose to neglect the pain and embrace the kindness. People who judge, they are worse than themselves because the only thing they know is belittle people around their backs...

The future ahead of me overwhelms me , I really don't know what to do with my life. I want to be a film maker, a producer, someone famous whose work is admired by millions. Thinking about it puts me in a pit of despair, its so surreal, so not gonna happen. I just don't know how people just go for it and everything just go their way. I really need to stop being afraid of what I am gonna be in the future. I wanted to design things, produce films, work on laptop, enjoy life, be whoever I want to be. I love socializing, love people, love traveling, love knowing new people, meeting them, knowing their inspirational different stories. Its what truly motivates me to live and not all these studying, all these theories like physics, chemistry, biology, all those are not meant to be known, that's what I always think. I mean why do we need to know those, so what if we knew that everything around us is made up of atoms, knowing about all kinds of energy. Its really so unnecessary.. Don't you think so? We are brought to this world to live, to do whatever our hearts and minds want, not meeting all the standards society wants. We are born to be who we are! Who are they to tell us we need to do this and that. Stay true to yourself, don't ever feel like you have to do something what others are doing unless thats what you tuly want, then go ahead.



I just want to say that it's okay to be sad, but its not okay to feel that you are not good enough.. Never feel that you are not good enough. We just need to stop comparing, one's opinion do not define us. One really massive problem struggled by me for years now is I care too much about the well-being of others, about how they feel and think towards me. Constantly doubting myself, always felt that all eyes on me for an instance judging me for being so boring and always acting so weird and awkward. I loathed myself so much for that. I always let that to kill me inside. My advice in my opinion is to be homeschooled, you will be able to learn so much more compared to school which will only waste your time and suck all the positive vibe and all the good energy from your soul(WARNING: ONLY MY OPINION AND WHAT I ALWAYS WANTED). Lastly, I felt like a pussy and very stupid for being who I am today. I mean why do I even feel this way. In the end, we are just one tiny human being in a world of millions of billions of other amazing talented people. We should be happy and contented with who we are. People has opinions, its our decision to neglect and be happy. People are mean and astrocious, we can just feel sorry for them because they do not have a good life and doesn't know how it feels to be treated kindly. They think they know us but they don't. I really find it funny how people think that they know me but they don't like what duh f****. YEAH, you can think about me whatever the way you want me to be but I am not gonna give a damn shit. Only people I care and love deserve to truly know me. Be confident and gracious guys! Pass the <3 around the world, make it a better place for people like me:)